S01E07-Rights Vs Privileges

Posted on Posted in Show Notes
Kuldrin’s Krypt: A BDSM 101 Podcast

January 22, 2017

Intro
  1. This is Kuldrin’s Krypt season 1 episode 7 for January 22nd, 2017.
  2. (start theme pre-roll) Welcome to Kuldrin’s Krypt I’m your host Master Kuldrin. If you are new to the show this is a place to dispel myths, get rid of stereotypes, and answer your questions about BDSM. You can call in at 865-268-4005 to leave your question or visit the Krypt at kudrinskrypt.com. On this episode of Kuldrin’s Krypt we are going discuss Rights Vs Privileges. First we’ll define each of them, then discuss who sets them, what happens when Dominants try to use the submissives rights as a bargaining tool and to top it off I’ll give a few examples of how a Dominant can use privileges as effective motivation.
  3. Rules to Love by:
      1. Safe, sane, consensual, informed
      2. KNKI: Knowledge, No Intolerence, Kindness, Integrity
      3. “Submission is not about authority and it’s not about obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect.” -Wm. Paul Young
  4. Defining Rights https://www.google.com/search?q=define+rights&oq=define+rights&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l5.2593j0j4&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8
    1. That which is morally correct, just, or honorable.
    2. A moral or legal entitlement to have or obtain something or to act in a certain way.
  5. Defining Privileges https://www.google.com/search?q=define+privieges&oq=define+privieges&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l5.7275j0j9&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8
    1. a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group of people.
  6. Who set the terms of the Rights and Privileges in the relationship?
    1. All parties involved. It should be an ongoing discussion as part of the neverending negotiation and check in process.
  7. Who has rights and privileges in a D/s relationship?
    1. The sub? That’s always the one that is thought of first especially when it comes to privileges because that word is often interchangeable with reward but…
    2. Dom’s also may be granted privileges from the sub. Remember, it is a power exchange. The only reason the Dom has power is because it has been granted to them by the sub. I have had subs and bottoms offer me one time privileges on things  that were soft and hard limits for special occasions. It was something that was well thought out by them and NEVER spur of the moment. A few examples would be going to a restaurant they absolutely hated, seeing a movie that was part of a franchise they hated, cutting their hair a certain way, and of course sexual activities. Now, some of these things don’t seem like that big of a deal but to the subs involved each of these things were huge and had actually been negotiated as soft or hard limits. They had absolutely no obligation to offer these services to me but did so because I had earned their trust and respect and proven I was a Dominant worthy of their submission so they gave a little extra. And of course, this recharged me to up my game even more.
  8. What happens when rights are used as bargaining tools?
    1. Unfortunately this is a frequent occurrence in any type of relationship from the whitest vanilla to the kinkiest of kinky. Sometimes it’s intentional and other times it happens because no one involved is really paying attention until it is too late and resentment and animosity has already developed. In either case, it is abuse. One of the reasons I like a strong, not bratty but strong submissive is because they are not afraid to bring things up that need to be talked about that I am not seeing. Just because I am an experienced Dom I am far from perfect and I like a sub that is also experienced enough to bring up the truly important issues that someone who is new may shy away from. Of course I always try to provide an environment where there is no fear of punishment for things said during check ins but some are still to timid to bring up certain things.
  9. How to use privileges as effective motivators?
    1. It is pretty obvious to most people how to do this-actions of going above and beyond can be rewarded. Normally, I am all about the importance of consistency but when it comes to using privileges as a reward I am intentionally and systematically inconsistent. The reason for this is simple, I do not want the privilege to become the norm. When this happens, it is no longer thought of as a privilege but as a right and is something that is expected. When this happens it creates conflict and confusion. Why wouldn’t my sub expect it if I’m granting that privilege or reward every time they do something a little special.
    2. However, when it comes to submissive training tools this can be a great thing and here consistency is the key. Let’s say I had 24/7 live in sub and she wanted more than anything for me to sleep in her bed for the night. I have already discussed it with my wife and that would be used as a very, VERY special reward or training tool. If there was a particular training that the sub was really struggling with we would set smaller goals and each time one of those goals was met then she would be rewarded with me spending the night in her room and in her bed. Now, what do you think would happen if she put in the work and wasn’t granted this extremely special reward after a goal was met? That’s right, she would no longer trust my word or my training and she wouldn’t care about meeting the next goal.
    3. Motivation Vs Coercion
      1. Manipulation
      2. Choice
      3. “Dangle the Carrot”

 

NEXT WEEK’S AGENDA
  1. Vetting & Consensual Non Consent (CNC)
Contact info:

Outro: This has been Master Kuldrin for kuldrinskrypt.com: Unearth the Truth

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