IRL Hooking up with online players: BDSM Nightmare-S03E38-S03E38

Recorded: 4/4/2021 / Published: //2021
  • – Welcome to Kuldrin’s Krypt. I’m your host Master Kuldrin. If you are new to the show we use our combined 30 years of BDSM experience and my 20 years working in the psychology field to dispel myths, get rid of stereotypes, and answer your questions about BDSM. You can call in at 865-268-4005 to leave your question or visit the Krypt at https://kuldrinskrypt.com
  • – Two weeks ago we talked about when you should not participate in BDSM play and in this week’s episode of The Krypt we are going to keep with that theme because I found something from Spain that I have to share with as a BDSM nightmare and a huge warning to those of you that love to randomly meet people in person that you have met online.
  1. Safe, sane, consensual, and informed
  2. KNKI: Knowledge, No Intolerance, Kindness, Integrity
  3. “Submission is not about authority and it’s not about obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect.” -Wm. Paul Young
  • –  “IRL Hooking up with online players: BDSM Nightmare-S03E38-S03E38”
    1. “Group Arrested For Torturing, Blackmailing Man With Learning Disability” by Brian Yalung, Mar 11, 2021
    2. https://www.latintimes.com/group-arrested-torturing-blackmailing-man-learning-disability-466718
    3. “Seven people who allegedly tortured a mentally unstable man in Spain have been arrested. Four women and three men reportedly glued the lips of the man and forced him to go to the supermarket dressed as a woman. However, that was not the worst part of it. The man, who had a learning disability and wanted to get an extreme makeover, also ended up with tattooed penises on his face. His eyebrows were also shaved while his toes were sewed. The despicable act all started when a man offered to pay anyone online to help him get that makeover.

At some point, the man, whose identity remains unknown, was able to escape when he told the kidnappers that he needed to go to a cashpoint so that he could pay his captors off. The kidnappers agreed and the victim immediately ran to the police. He has been receiving death threats since doing so.

It appears all of it stemmed from an online contest which the man organized online. The contest was based on a sexual role-play game where he could pay anyone to help him change his appearance using transvestism and light BDSM.

There were some who the man-made to sign a contract that was titled “Change of Look.” But it was the group that eventually got chosen and headed to the property in Manacor after meeting up in a city center square in the Majorcan capital Palma called Plaza de Espana.

The victim is reportedly in his 30s and videos show some of the ordeals. That included the man saying that he needed to untie himself in a minute or his eyebrows would be shaved off.

The suspects were reportedly aged between 20 to 30 and were arrested over the torture they did on the man. A mother of one of the suspects has also been called for questioning since the episode took place at her home. She is, however, not among the ones arrested.

“We have taken a statement from the victim and what he’s said is that he made it clear ahead of the contest he didn’t want extreme violence or sex,” Alejandro Becerra, a spokesman for Spain’s National Police in Majorca said. “The effects of the treatment meted out to him are serious because he’ll have to have treatment to remove the tattoos for example.”

  1. How to avoid things like this:
    1. Common sense: 
      1. If things don’t make sense then run.
      2. If you don’t understand then run.
      3. Never forget, “there’s nothing common about common sense.” However, if we make it a point to stop, take a breath, and push the pause button for a few seconds, we can allow ourselves the opportunity to experience a lightbulb moment. 
    2. Do your homework:
      1. Risk Aware Consensual Kink: While it isn’t a person’s responsibility or fault they were abused or raped, it is our responsibility to educate ourselves to try to prevent it. Obviously, there are terrible people out there that are excellent at pretending to be good. Unfortunately, it is impossible to protect ourselves from all of these people. However, we can help our odds with the power of knowledge.
    3. Safe calls:
      1. Set up times to CALL someone and have codewords in place. Never share the scheduled times of the calls or the codewords with the date! It amazes me how often this happens. 
      2. Use the Find a Friend app
      3. Stick to the plans for the evening. They know they have you when they are able to get you to change the plans. 
    4. Do not trust vetting! 
      1. I used to preach vetting like it was a religion until I admitted the truth to myself. Vetting on an actual abuser only works about 25% of the time and the reason is simple: abuse and rape victims often:
        1. Blame themselves so they don’t share it.
        2. Feel ashamed so they don’t share it.
        3. Are traumatized and don’t remember it.
        4. Pretend it didn’t happen and avoid it at nearly all costs.
      2. It has also been proven that a very small number of victims of assault/abuse will intentionally talk up their abuser to someone who they view is strong enough to be able to bring down the abusive person. They become so focused on the abuser being caught they will send an unknowing “warrior” straight into the lion’s den with no knowledge whatsoever and expect them to come out victorious because the victim has put them on a pedestal and views them as “such a strong person”. It’s important to mention that the people that do this fully believe the strong person will not be hurt.
    5. Do not lose sight of being an adult!
      1. I have heard over and over “I’m a sub. It’s what I do. When they told me that I was going to the thing, I did the thing.” Being submissive does not mean that you don’t have a backbone and it doesn’t mean that you have an excuse to make you free of all decisions. Especially when there isn’t an established dynamic in place.
    6. Don’t forget BDSM is popular!
      1. Before there were 12 million people on FetLife, it was hard to find a group of people or a play partner. That reeeally sucked but now that it’s become part of pop culture it is has become a cesspool of freaks, fakes, phoneys, and fuckups. It used to be that one in five people would have a hard limit violated in the first three years of entering the scene. I fully believe that it has grown to 50%. While I also believe a large percentage of that increase is accidental, it doesn’t excuse the lack of education and training people are choosing over playing safe. 
Important Links:
  1. Full show notes: https://kuldrinskrypt.com/338
  2. National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
  3. https://KuldrinsKrypt.com/Patreon 
  4. https://kuldrinskrypt.com/silentcommunication 
  5. https://KuldrinsKrypt.com/survey 
  6. https://kuldrinskrypt.com/TeePublic 
Show Producers:
  1. – Benefactor ($2,000/month): 
  2. – Pro Producer ($100/month): Buffalo_Max92
  3. – Master Producer ($50/month): 
  4. – Executive Producer ($25/month) ShadowyFox, JunicornsAngel, Johnny Ferrell, Haru Webb, Rei Webb, slave Brendan, and Just_Call_Me_Ash
  5. – Sr. Producers ($10/month): xEmeraldxWolfx, ThatPlace: Oklahoma City, RoxieBear, Trouble113, Alexandria, babylove&Sir, SortOutTheKinks, Master Gabriel, Daddy Steve, Sir Pent, KJ, TwistedTink&JustTommy, ArtKitten, AuthorMistressBlackrose, UpstateScCouple, Crystal Force, CJ, Cali, PerfectlyThick, Thorn, Toredon, Cap’n J, BxB, Saviy, Lilred rose, and AK Rich
  6. – Producers ($5/month): Kainsin, CIVLdisobedience, Hadea, Lily, Sir&Kitten, Raven, Raider69time, Atsila, MBRpoodle, LylacWine, Baddogbad, CozyCow, Arctic Foxglove,  Anomalous Mats, MsRedSin & AJRJ, Katnipmeow, WyldThyme&Deacon Sean, CheeryQuery, Ropestuff2, Rabbit, BurningRedHot, Sir Wolf ArchAngel, Subx13, CourtsDom, Anthony, Gator, Gizmo, Ataleena, JJ, and Jon Shaw
  7. – Jr. Producers ($1/month): K-2SO, Jeremiah, Morgana13, Brodie, The Gabbing Girl Time Podcast, and Lexa
  8. Become a show producer: https://KuldrinsKrypt.com/Patreon
Vendors I know, like, trust, and use: (None of these are paid sponsors of the podcast.)
  1. http://bdsmcontracts.org Coupon code: kuldrin20 for a 20% discount on all purchases.
  2. http://whippingstripes.com – My personal maker of most things leather and paracord impact toys.
  3. https://www.etsy.com/shop/TorridTimber – Fine fetish furniture and accessories
  4. https://www.etsy.com/shop/TheCraftyHedonist 
  5. – Tink’s Toys Fb Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2350280868612699 Fetlife Profile: https://fetlife.com/users/9885653?sp=3 *coupon for listeners (first purchase only) TinksToys13
  6. – Dark Delights Shops: https://darkdelightsshop.com/ (Watch my product review of them: https://kuldrinskrypt.com/DarkDelightsShop)
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