Recorded: 2/14/2021 / Published: 09/26/2021
- – Welcome to Kuldrin’s Krypt. I’m your host Master Kuldrin. If you are new to the show I use my 25 years of BDSM experience and 20 years working in the psychology field to dispel myths, get rid of stereotypes, and answer your questions about BDSM. You can call in at 865-268-4005 to leave your question or visit the Krypt at https://kuldrinskrypt.com.
- – In this episode of The Krypt Mayfair, the chatroom, and I, discuss a problem that is so common in the scene most people don’t even realize they do it; abuse of power and authority.
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- “Submission is not about authority and it’s not about obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect.” -Wm. Paul Young
- “Abuse of Power and AuthorityBDSM-S03E32”
- Abuse of Power, also known as Abuse of Authority, is defined as the use of one’s position to gain an unfair advantage over another outside of that position’s scope.
To be clear, although writing about this can come across as more clinical and less dramatic, purposeful misuse of power is indeed a form of actual abuse, and its use should not be tolerated.
Abuse of Power can be done in many ways, consciously or unconsciously, and can come from a variety of sources. Some examples of this include, but is not limited to:
- Using the Household name as a means of elevating one’s self in order to gain an unfair advantage over another
- Trying to exert power over something that was not negotiated or agreed upon.
- Using one’s title to inappropriately exert power over someone not in your sphere of influence.
- Pushing a scene further than you are capable of to “show off”
- Bullying or shaming
- Interjecting unwanted advice into another party’s conversation
- Shifting responsibility for a scene onto the other party if things don’t go well
- Being a “Protector” to someone and also being involved with them romantically or dynamically
- Using the dynamic as leverage against the relationship
- Changing rules or protocol to suit you without notifying, considering, or negotiating with the other party
- Purposely finding or creating loopholes in rules or protocol to suit you
- Purposely defying boundaries, triggers, or limits
- Pushing another to “pay” beyond their means (via time, money, energy, or other forms of “payments”) to be with you
- Withholding communication, sex, or dynamic (outside of negotiated terms) to get your way
- Using your position or title to justify doing something you shouldn’t have done
Things to remember:
Abuse of Power does not necessarily mean it is always directly related to a dynamic. Being a part of a Household or simply having many active years in the scene can very well make someone else feel like you hold more power and sway than they do, which makes it possible that this power can be abused.
It does not always come from the top. Since what we engage in is a Power Exchange, bottoms hold a degree of power as well. Abuses of Power can come from a top, bottom, dominant, submissive, master, or slave. It can come from a well-seasoned kinkster who’s been in the scene for decades or the newbie just getting their feet wet. It can be wielded by anyone.
When power is abused in the scene it can cause a multitude of problems, foremost of which is the victim who can suffer physically, mentally, psychologically, or even spiritually. As an abuse, the responsibility falls solely to the abuser, but the victim often carries the inner scars from it in the forms of distrust, depression, anxiety, and loss of self-worth amongst others.
It is important to note that the primary concept here is that power has been used inappropriately. We must all be aware that each of us is capable of Abusing Power and should strive to use it appropriately.
As a Mentor, you should be looking for an understanding of what Abuse of Power is fundamentally, who perpetrates it, and what issues can arise from it.
- Full show notes: https://kuldrinskrypt.com/332
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