BDSM and Kink Shaming-S04E17

Recorded: 11/28/2021 / Published: 6/6/2022
  • In this week’s episode of The Krypt we are talking about kink shaming within the BDSM community. 
  1. Safe, sane, consensual, and informed
  2. KNKI: Knowledge, No Intolerance, Kindness, Integrity
  3. “Submission is not about authority and it’s not about obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect.” -Wm. Paul Young
  • “BDSM and Kink Shaming-S04E17”
    1. “DEAR DEIDRE My wife begs me to try her sexual fantasies, but she won’t wear tights for me” Edited By Sally Land 17:45, 2 Dec 2021
    2. https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/16921779/my-wife-begs-live-out-her-sex-fantasies/ 
    3. She is 38, I am 45 and we have been married for nine years. We have enjoyed taking online BDSM courses, which have certainly livened things up in the bedroom.

From the start, my wife was open about her role-play fantasies. She likes it when we dress up and I dominate her.

Sometimes we pretend I am her boss, a strict teacher or a fireman. Any time she wants to try a new character, I oblige.

Until recently, I’ve always kept my fantasy a secret.

Ever since I was a teen, I’ve had a thing for dressing up in women’s tights and stockings. I have always found them sexy and love the feel of them against my skin.

Last month, I finally got up the courage to tell my wife my fantasy involved us both wearing stockings during sex.

She was mortified, screwing up her face as if I’d asked for something disgusting, and called me a freak.

I waited another couple of weeks before bringing it up again but she was still completely against it.

We haven’t spoken about it since. I’m hurt and have been avoiding sex since her reaction.

She is still being open about things she would like to try but hasn’t mentioned my request.

Obviously, I wouldn’t want to do anything that makes her feel uncom­fortable. But I would like her to be as open-minded as I have been about her fantasies.

Should I try mentioning it to her once more?

DEIDRE SAYS:

You are not a freak – many men feel the same way you do and have similar fantasies.

But the fact your wife hasn’t brought it up again suggests she is still struggling to process this information.

In a quiet moment, discuss how you can see it out in a way that makes her feel comfortable.

Her issue may be that she doesn’t understand why you have this longing to wear stockings, so I’m sending you my support pack on crossdressing, which explains.

But it might also help to contact the Beaumont Society (01582 412 220, beaumontsociety.org.uk), where they will understand these issues.

I am also sending you my support pack on fantasies. Perhaps there is something new in there that appeals to you both which might help you get your sex life back on track.

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