Recorded: 12/06/2020 / Published: 6/25/2020
- – In this episode of The Krypt Mayfair, the chatroom, and I are going to talk about a letter of experience and caution sent in by a listener telling his personal recent experience with red flags and respecting boundaries.
- – Call in at 865-268-4005 to leave your question or visit the Krypt at https://kuldrinskrypt.com/contactresources
– Rules to Love By: ( https://inclusionwoodworks.com )
- 1: Safe, sane, consensual, and informed
- 2: KNKI: Knowledge, No Intolerance, Kindness, Integrity
- 3: “Submission is not about authority and it’s not about obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect.” -Wm. Paul Young
– Red Flags and Respecting Boundaries-S03E23
- – A listener message titled “Want to Say Thank You” sent to me by CourtsDom69 on December 6, 2020.
- – Kuldrin,
I wanted to take a minute and say thank you. I grew up ultra vanilla and found myself at age 44 in a relationship with a more experienced partner, OopsCourtDidIt exploring areas of sexuality I never knew existed.
Courtney had been expressing a desire for BDSM play and told me about her past experiences in the lifestyle. Being eager to please her, I began to do research and learn what I could. I was blown away by the amount of BDSM stuff available on the web (I have never watched 50 shades!)
Thankfully, I came across your Podcast which has been my predominant source of information.
Court and I discussed options for play and learning and were both interested in being dominated by a male and a female, I wanted to experience being a bottom/submissive to fully appreciate that aspect from a multisensory perspective.
We both had reached out to perspective dominate types to engage them in discussion to see if there was an interest, we found one person that was local. The relationship started with Courtney expressing our desires and my willingness to learn and this couple had a dominant husband who liked the idea.
We decided to meet for dinner one evening a couple of weeks ago to talk and exchange thoughts. The dominant’s wife would not be joining the dinner and had started a new relationship with another dominant outside of their marriage, she wasn’t able to connect to her husband as a complete submissive and wanted to explore this dynamic.
I expressed to Courtney that I still wanted to remain focused on what we initially discussed regarding both being dominated. Will, the dominant suggested another female play partner attend the dinner to see what developed.
The first meeting with Will, he brought Courtney: a dozen roses, an app-controlled vibrator, a hand made wood paddle, and a professionally bound BDSM contract. The dinner went okay and I had a good conversation with both Will and Sasha whom Will had invited.
Will appeared very confident in his domination experience and I could see Courtney was excited at this prospect, so I remained open-minded. Will also had an app that he used with Courtney called Obedience, complete with goals, rewards and punishments, I found it very interesting and it helped me understand some of the beneficial psychology of a Dom/Sub dynamic and it helped me understand how to start, progress and end a scene.
I was not overly comfortable with the dynamic Will wanted with Courtney, I did remain openminded and in good communication with Courtney. The first time I sat down to review the “contract” I physically got sick to my stomach. I hated just about everything that was in there and as much as I tried, I couldn’t shake the feeling. I wrestled with exactly what I was feeling and knew what some of my reservations were and could only describe my feelings as “being put onto a rollercoaster that had previously crashed on me twice, killing two relationships”.
I was married twice before (a major no-no in my uber-religious upbringing) and both marriages ended based largely on the advice my ex-wives received from counselor’s. In fact, my first wife remarried our marriage counselor, so my distrust was justifiable.
I respected the psychology of the Dom/Sub dynamic and viewed it from a more of a therapeutic aspect and have an appreciation of the superior/inferior dynamic and this dynamic is what made me nervous.
Courtney made Will aware of my hesitations and concerns and we agreed to meet again for dinner. On the surface, I liked Will, I honestly thought his words and intentions matched. I asked lots of questions and listened twice as much, I left that dinner a little more comfortable, though not completely.
Will had communicated with Courtney that he wanted to take her out for four hours and get to know her and review the contract. His request pissed me off, the time he wanted was in the prime time that I was off work and had planned to spend with her, plus, I sat down to review the contract once more. It made me sick again.
There were things I heard Will say that gave me caution, the first being that he was new to the Dom roll he wanted, like he had never had such a roll before other than with his wife and secondly, he started in BDSM after watching Fifty Shades of Gray.
Courtney went through with meeting Will and I stayed home, it was the longest four hours of my life. I finally communicated with Courtney that the dynamic Will wanted was not what we had entered into the relationship with and that I was not comfortable going forward with Will at all, no matter how slow.
Courtney was disappointed but absolutely respectful and ended the relationship. Will’s response totally revealed his façade and fragile ego and confirmed to both of us that a mistake had been avoided. Will sent me a nasty text trying to belittle me and he was demanding his gifts back. I let him know there would be no returning of anything (especially since we already used them). I simply said, “if you cannot dominate your own mouth, you have no business dominating another human and sure as hell not Courtney”.
I wanted to say thank you because it was your podcast and communication on Fetlife that helped me understand the little bit of BDSM that I do know. Courtney and I did our first complete scene this weekend! It was amazing. I took the roll of her dominate and we have been using the Obedience app, and have also made friends with another couple who have been extremely encouraging. We even filmed our first correction scene and sent it to them to watch and provide feedbackCourtney was super pleased because I nailed it and just relaxed in the natural intuition and what I learned from your Podcasts. We did a spanking scene and a sensory play scene and it was just fun, We even both dressed up and I got me a “dom shirt”. With every action I took during those scenes, I measured them against the words from the beginning of each of your show’s and if it wasn’t being done out of love and respect, I didn’t do it.
I seriously want to say thank you for the excellent work you do, you have made an impact in our lives for the better.
We hated missing the last playtime for Lady Katherine’s birthday, It is one of our bucket list items to get to meet you and have you teach somethings and just hang out and have some awesome laughs.
This next pay period, we will be joining the Patron producers group for your show, we want to support the good work you are doing. We will be joining the chat at 3 today!
Much love and respect,
CourtsDom69 (Ps you have our permission to read this on your cast, just not my last name please)
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