Recorded: July 2, 2023 / Published: , 2023
- – Welcome to Kuldrin’s Krypt. I’m your host Master Kuldrin. If you are new to the show we use our combined 35 years of BDSM experience and my 20 years working in the psychology field to dispel myths, get rid of stereotypes, and answer your questions about BDSM. Text in your questions and comments to 865-268-4005 or visit the Krypt at https://kuldrinskrypt.com.
- – In this episode, we are talking about one of my favorite things-edging.
- – Rules to Love By: (https://inclusionwoodworks.com)
- 1: Safe, sane, consensual, and informed
- 2: KNKI: Knowledge, No Intolerance, Kindness, Integrity
- 3: “Submission is not about authority and it’s not about obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect.” -Wm. Paul Young
- – “A Guide to Edging-S05E08”
- A great article on edging by Tianna Soto: https://stylecaster.com/lifestyle/love-sex/1388127/what-is-edging/
- What is edging? Edging, peaking, or surfing is a sexual technique whereby an orgasm is controlled for the purpose of prolonged pleasure and/or agony, It can be performed alone or with a partner and involves the maintenance of a high level of sexual arousal for an extended period without reaching climax.
- Delayed gratification: Building up to orgasm and repeatedly backing off builds up the physical, mental, and emotional anticipation typically resulting in harder, longer, and more fulfilling orgasms.
- Control: It is very common in BDSM play for the Dom(me) to deny or edge a submissive. Denial of a basic animalistic urge can be an extremely intoxicating type of control
- Awareness: Edging tends to make people more self-aware of their bodies and minds involving their orgasmic state and how things like breathing and internal thoughts add to or take away from their orgasms. They can then apply that knowledge to other sexual experiences when not edging to provide similar results.
- How does it work?
- According to Anne Russo, LCSW, “edging involves building up to orgasm and then slowing down or taking breaks before you or your partner reach climax. The process, sometimes called “surfing” or “peaking,” can increase blood flow to the genitals to enhance arousal. This can create a lot of sexual tension and excitement, which can lead to a really intense and pleasurable orgasm. It’s like a rollercoaster ride for your body.”
- The prolonged release of dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, testosterone, and estrogen can provide a much deeper and longer-lasting euphoric state.
- Who’s it for? Everyone, right?!?! Well, no. I haven’t been able to find any statistics I trust so basing it only on my personal experiences, I’d say half or most people have stronger, longer-lasting orgasms from edging, around 20% have mixed results, and 20% have consistently diminished orgasmic experiences.
- Addiction: due to the release of neurotransmitters and hormones it is an easily addictive behavior.
- Loss of orgasm: This can happen once (common), often (common), or permanently (rare). There is a fine line between an edging, a denied, and a ruined orgasm. Many people if edged too long can become so mentally frustrated that it gets in the way of the physical release.
- Some people start requiring longer and longer “rollercoaster rides” to get the same level of chemical release. If this is constantly being fed, the mind and body will become programmed through classic conditioning and won’t be able to get enough to complete the release. You will easily recognize this happening and you know to take a few weeks or even a few months from all sexual activity to allow for a reset. It’s also advised to seek help from a professional therapist or psychologist who specializes in sexual addictions and dysfunctions.
- Diminished or loss of genital sensitivity: On average it takes women 20 minutes to climax and men 2-10 minutes. Think about the amount of stimulation that it takes for an hour, two-hour, or ten-hour “rollercoaster ride” of edging! Now, multiply that by the average number of times a person masturbates and has sex a week. I don’t have those figures but that’s got to be a metric shit-ton. The nerves are so sensitive that prolonged, intense stimulation can cause them to dull. This can make it difficult, hard, or even impossible to orgasm.
- How? Easy! First, if doing this with a partner, talk about it thoroughly and openly. Make sure everyone is on board, consent is agreed upon, and an easy safe word is known. Bring yourself or your partner to the brink of orgasm and slow down, stop, or move the focal point of stimulation to another part of the body. Do this as many times as desired or until a safe word is called. Be sure to talk about what that safe word means. Does it mean all sexual contact must stop? Is it a way to say “I can’t take it anymore! I need to cum NOW!” or does it indicate a need to check in and see which one the person wants. I prefer that “yellow” means “check in with me”, “May I PLEASE cum, Sir” tells me she’s had enough and want to be finished off, and “red” means all activity stops, I check on their physical, mental, and emotional safety, provide any medical attention, support, food, drink, or space needed, and enter in to aftercare. It is not the time for 20 questions of “Why did you call red?!?!?!” They will get to that. It is time to make sure your partner feels and is safe.
- The numbers game: rating the pleasure intensity on a scale from 0-10 and picking numbers or rolling dice for pleasure peaks and valleys.
- How close can you get? Pushing for the exact edge of climax without going over.
- Ejaculating without orgasm: Running a man to edge of climax and then removing all stimulation can cause men to ejaculate without the full body orgasm. This often means no loss of erection and further build-ups to finally achieve climax is possible.
- Full show notes: https://kuldrinskrypt.com/508
- National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
- NCSF Kink Aware Professionals: https://www.kapprofessionals.org
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