InterviewLivePodcastShow Notes

How to transition from vanilla marriages and LTR’s to Ds-S03E07

Recorded: 8/16/2020 /  Published: 1/15/2021
  1. – Welcome to Kuldrin’s Krypt I’m your host Master Kuldrin. If you are new to the show I use my 24 years of BDSM experience and 20 working the psychology field to dispel myths, get rid of stereotypes, and answer your questions about BDSM. You can call in at 865-268-4005 to leave your question or visit the Krypt at https://kuldrinskrypt.com
  2. – In this episode of The Krypt, Babylove is joining me and Mayfair to tell her story and give advice about how to transition from a vanilla marriage or relationship into a D/s dynamic.
  3. – Rules to Love by:
    1. Safe, sane, consensual, and informed
    2. KNKI: Knowledge, No Intolerance, Kindness, Integrity
    3. “Submission is not about authority and it’s not about obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect.” -Wm. Paul Young
  • How to transition from vanilla marriages/long term relationships to D/s.
  1. – Only my experience, every couple will be different.
  2. – What is Power Exchange
  3. – What isn’t PE- it’s not abuse, it’s not domineering, it’s not door mat
  4. – While PE falls under BDSM, isn’t just about kinky fun.
  5. – Equals in an uneven relationship (find the wording for this)
  6. – Talk. Introduce slowly, Check in. Go slow. Trial run, Find resources. Engage with other PE couples. Talk some more. Get used to being uncomfortable, vulnerable and transparent with each other. Talk more. Be ready to discover things about yourself that you love and that you don’t. Talk more.
    1. – Start the conversation. Rein in fantasies. Bring specific reasons why it sounds interesting to you. Why you think your relationship would benefit from it. Tread carefully as you start to introduce this to your partner, you are potentially upending your relationship.
    2. – Sir knew I was exploring my own sexuality; I had been openly communicating with him about my journey. He had some notion of BDSM from our conversations.
    3. – I saw elements of PE already in our relationship. Something that had happened over the last couple of years and we were happy with.
    4. Service is my jam. To discover the existence of “service submissive” I was in heaven.
      1. – Definition – What does Service D/S mean? (kinkly.com)
      2. – A service D/S relationship stands for a relationship between a Dominant (D) and a Submissive (S) that is linked by servitude. D/S relationships do not necessarily involve elements of BDSM such as bondage and discipline. A service D/S relationship involves a submissive performing personal tasks for the dominant partner. In a domestic setting, the submissive can receive satisfaction and pleasure from performing household and service tasks in the role of a butler, maid, waitress, cook, chauffeur, and more. … Servitude caters to many elements of BDSM such as fetishes and humiliation.
      3. – (I would remove this part of definition: In a workplace setting, the submissive can derive pleasure from being disciplined and receiving orders from an unaware colleague who the submissive has imagined as their dominant.)
    5. – I was already trying to offer service to him. (example) I would deep clean the hallway, on my hands and knees, washing the walls, floors etc. He would come home and I would say things like, I just want to please you, I just want to treat you like a king. He would say, no I don’t want that. That makes me uncomfortable.
    6. – Pick 3-4 things you would like to try out in your dynamic. This is what we added first.
      1. – Make a new fresh healthy recipe once a week
      2. – Prepare bring him his tea in the morning
      3. – Clean the lanai weekly
      4. – When he gets home, stop what I’m doing and greet him with a kiss
      5. – Other ideas might be pick out underwear, send a sexy picture, ask permission to go to bed, coffee service, meet at the door.
      6. – Caution- baby step into this, set aside fantasies of protocols, elaborate multi step rules initially. There is no reason to rush. Especially in the beginning, you both need time to self-reflect and marinate on these changes. No one is harmed by going slow, whereas a lot of harm can be done by rushing
    7. – Check In’s: We learned this tip from Master Kuldrin! Set aside a consistent and
      1. – intentional time to check in. During this time the PE is temporarily suspended to allow for both sides to be able to freely express themselves without fear of stepping on each other’s toes.
    8. – Questions for check ins:
      1. – What’s working?
      2. – What’s not?
      3. – where did you see the PE this week?
      4. – Acknowledge and praise specific towards each other
      5. – How does PE feel?
      6. – Any changes for next week?
    9. – Looking back at my journals, this is where some of the nitty gritty got sorted out. Me asking if he wanted me to anticipate his tea or wait for him to indicate. Him affirming to me that I was helping to relieve his stress home load
    10. – Trial period:
      1. – After several weeks, we decided to try out 24/7 PE. He was skeptical. We decided to try it on a vacation. As travel is one area where PE had already crept in over the recent years. I plan all the travel plans and he executes the plans. Trying out 24/7 PE on a week-long vacation worked out amazingly well. There was almost no arguing, or tension on the trip. When we returned home, he was sold on the idea of 24/7 PE.
    11. – Resources: PE relationships are intense and a lot of work. We found it helped to find resources that reflected our relationship.
      1. – Submissive’s guide
      2. – Living M/s book by Dan and dawn Williams
      3. – Fetlife groups for Power Exchange
      4. – Local Community- munches, other couples
      5. – MaST
    12. – Stumbling Blocks- the Uncomfortable, vulnerable transparent
      1. – when he started to task my free time, because I didn’t understand time management (more details to come)
      2. – When he was upset about school falling over to him, this is when we created the mantra “I manage the things (house, appointments, schedule, schooling) he manages the people. (details)
    13. – Sir’s Self-acceptance: He said he has done a lot more soul searching than expected. By talking to other Doms, listening to podcasts, attending power exchange workshops, he was able to move past his preconceived notions that being a dom doesn’t make him an ass. Being a Dom plays right into his leadership style of empowering others
    14. – Empowered him at work to also lead and speak out
    15. – My self-acceptance: For me, it’s been accepting that serving and following Him makes me happy gives me structure.
– Important Links:
  1. https://KuldrinsKrypt.com/Patreon 
  2. https://kuldrinskrypt.com/silentcommunication 
  3. https://KuldrinsKrypt.com/survey 
  4. https://kuldrinskrypt.com/TeePublic 
  5. – Show notes can be found at https://kuldrinskrypt.com/307
–  Thank you: 
  1. – Show Producers:
    1. Benefactor ($2,000/month): 
    2. Pro Producer ($100/month): 
    3. Master Producer ($50/month): 
    4. Executive Producer ($25/month) ShadowyFox, JunicornsAngel, and Johnny Ferrell, Haru Webb, and Rei Webb
    5. Sr. Producers ($10/month): Matt, xEmeraldxWolfx, Roxiebear, Trouble113, ThatPlace: Oklahoma City, JayKay, Master Gabriel, babylove&Sir, Sir Pent, PurplePantera, SortOutTheKinks, Daddy Steve, Stella, CIVLdisobedience, and Grog4life, Raefe, and AuthorMistressBlackrose
    6. Producers ($5/month): Kainsin, Alexandria, LilyChaos, KJ, knot_the_daddy, Duckie Monroe, ArtKitten, Hadea, Sir&Kitten, Raven, Raider69, Carly, and Atsila Rose
    7. Jr. Producers ($1/month): K-2SO, Morgana13, and Jeremiah
    8. If you would like to become one of our show producers go to our website, https://kuldrinskrypt.com/support to get that information.
  2. – Vendors I know, like, trust, and use: (None of these are paid sponsors of the podcast.)
  3. http://bdsmcontracts.org Coupon code: kuldrin20 for a 20% discount on all purchases.
  4. – http://whippingstripes.com – My personal maker of leather and paracord impact toys.
  5. http://www.torridtimber.com/ – Fine fetish furniture and accessories
  6. https://www.etsy.com/shop/TheCraftyHedonist – Bringing Geeky fantasies to life
  7. https://www.facebook.com/groups/2350280868612699 – Tink’s Toys
– Contact info:

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.