Recorded: 10/04/2020 / Published: 3/12/2021
On this episode of The Krypt LylacWine is joining us to talk about the concept of free space and a piece she has written?
Call in at 865-268-4005 to leave your question or visit the Krypt at https://kuldrinskrypt.com. In this episode of The Krypt, LylacWine is joining us to talk about the concept of free space and a piece she has written.
Rules to Love By:
- Safe, sane, consensual, and informed
- KNKI: Knowledge, No Intolerance, Kindness, Integrity
- “Submission is not about authority and it’s not about obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect.” -Wm. Paul Young
Free Space (with reference to D/s and submission specifically)
- Definition: (my definition)
- The place or a state of being occupied by a submissive at the end of his/her dynamic and the beginning of a new one. A sub in free space still holds sacred their submissive heart and values therein. He/she is unowned and can be uncollared or self collard in free space.
- The place of deep contemplation, reflection, healing, and self-growth after the ending of dynamic. The re-acclamation of self whilst still striving to preserve his/her submissive values.
- Similar to the vanilla version of being “single” after the end of a relationship.
The Kite and the String by LylacWine
A kite and the string….musings of a sub in free space
Have you ever sat and watched kites being flown?
Beautiful and exquisitely colored as they twist and turn and flit and float and dance on the wind
A beautiful synchronicity between kite and handler as they work together using the wind and each other to make magic. Both kite and Handler reliant on each other in what at first appears to be free form movement yet on closer inspection is a well-controlled, highly structured power exchange. Without each other, they are just a kite and just a Handler yet together they form a most beautiful and mutually fulfilling display.
The D/s dynamic mirrors this dance and the exchange between Dom and sub is so deeply similar to that between kite and Handler with the wind representing their connection and fealty and growth, for when the wind of their connection is gone or uncontrolled, neither can dance. Handler, kite and wind must exist together in perfect unison in order to reach such majestic heights.
A sub is much like a kite in that she is uniquely colored, beautifully constructed and serves to bring joy to the one who tethers her and allows her to fly. She flourishes under the care and direction of her Dom as he, with great care and constant attention to the ebb and flow of the wind, directs and steadies her as she tries new and more daring dances. She glows in the reflection of the sunlight and feels powerful knowing that she is held fast by hands that have only her growth and betterment as motivation. So too in a beautiful feedback loop does her Dom gain the greatest pleasure from seeing her thrive and whirl and dance and shine and blossom as she becomes all he could see the potential for within her burst free. His strength, direction, and correction further her ability to fly, to succeed, to grow and to shine, and together they make exquisite magic constantly referring back to each other, serving each other, bettering each other, and holding the other accountable.
What happens though when the wind is too strong or too fierce and the thread that tethers her to him snaps.
Just like a kite suddenly untethered there is violent spinning and whirring and uncontrolled movement before it finally crashes to the ground…..broken, lost, crumpled. The Handler too now stands with hands empty and no power exchange of the wind and the string and the beautiful kite, no feedback loop of joy from being an instrument in its dance. Both now disassociated from each other, wind-dispersed and only an empty space where the dance used to be.
This is where I find myself: in the chaotic whirring of a kite untethered, fliting and flinging and gasping and screaming and crying and full of fear of falling to the ground. The wind inside me is a cyclone of chaos and fury and sadness as I navigate the free form space between freedom and the fall. It is deeply scary here and such a stark contrast to the freedom that comes from being lovingly tethered. There is no guide, no lighthouse, nothing to moderate the rising panic nor the furious storm inside and I can feel myself falling to the ground. There is fight in me yes. There is will and purpose and I know I need to grab my own string and tether myself in order to avoid crashing. This is where I have to choose: Do I give in to the chaos which inevitably will send me crashing broken into the ground or do I take all the gifts of learning I have been given and apply them to holding my own string so that I may lower myself gently to the ground ready to fly again anew?
Some days I find myself not only able to do this but thriving in this free space, slowly learning to hold my own string and steady myself. Other days I can not fathom the cruelty of the wind and utter bereavement of the loss of direction and purpose and once again I swing violently this way and that way in the chaos of emotion and fear. It is not pretty, it does not serve me but it is true and real and it is deeply scary. On the days though that I can and do grasp my own string with purpose and direction there is beauty to be found in the autonomy of it. Strength and resilience and fortitude. I know that I must leave this free fall chaos and guide myself gently to the ground unscathed and unbroken and learn to be, a kite again. Unique and purposeful, powerful and full of potential otherwise I am just a mess of fabric and string lying helpless on the ground. I must direct my own dance so that as I touch the earth again I do so gracefully and in tact ready to dance again as I repair myself and attach myself purely to being me, a unique gift of potential and purpose. I will not be deluded, I will not pretend that this is not sad and difficult and scary, however, each day, each time I steady myself and afix my string to the strength of me, I grow more unique and my kite more and more ready to fly once again………which it will.
- We have the definition but why call it “free space” and not just single?
- Talk about the piece “The Kite String”
- what was the motivation for writing this piece?
- What does it mean to you to “hold your own string” as you state in the piece?
- Why do you write? What do you get out of it and why? (not sure this question is a good one but brainstorming again).
- Things that you can do as a submissive to assist in healing and growing in free space (? self collaring, writing, support groups, mentors, etc)
- You are self-collard so explain that and the reasons why and what you gain from it. Are there any downsides that you have discovered?
- How to stay safe as a submissive in free space. (Mentors, protectors, common sense, etc)
- Dating again (eek) the pitfalls and learning from the past.
- Recognizing and owning your own issues, pitfalls, and your own place at the end of your last dynamic. (i think this is an important part of learning to hold your own string so might need to put this up further ?).
- Question everything (particularly yourself)
- Submission is a gift BUT it is also an exchange: learn to identify red flags, learn to identify your specific individual needs as a submissive, and be able to articulate them respectfully to a potential dominant.
- Ascertain very early on in any exchange between yourself and a potential Dominant whether clear communication is valued by them and that they encourage you to ask questions and talk openly both during the vetting stage and onward into the dynamic.
- If you have the opportunity to have a healthy dynamic and you do not do the evolutionary work after it is done, you disrespect the dynamic itself.
- Quote: You are being given a choice to evolve or repeat what happens next is entirely up to you. – author unknown
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