S01E09-Red Flags, Fakes Doms & Predators Part 1

By Master KuldrinPodcast, Show Notes
Kuldrin’s Krypt: A BDSM 101 Podcast

February 4th, 2017
Intro
  1. This is Kuldrin’s Krypt season 1 episode 9 for February 4th, 2017.
  2. (start theme pre-roll) Welcome to Kuldrin’s Krypt I’m your host Master Kuldrin. If you are new to the show this is a place to dispel myths, get rid of stereotypes, and answer your questions about BDSM. You can call in at 865-268-4005 to leave your question or visit the Krypt at kudrinskrypt.com. On the krypt tonight it’s part one of a three part series where we are going to unearth the truth about red flags, fake doms & predators.
  3. Rules to Love by:
      1. Safe, sane, consensual, informed
      2. KNKI: Knowledge, No Intolerence, Kindness, Integrity
      3. “Submission is not about authority and it’s not about obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect.” -Wm. Paul Young
  4. Now to Red Flags, Fake Doms, and Predators
    1. http://www.submissiveguide.com/2009/04/identifying-fake-dominants-posers/

To start this discussion we need to get a couple of definitions out of the way…

First, what exactly are “red flags”? They are anything that warns you of impending dread, danger, and/or threat. Second, what is a fake Dominant? This is someone who is just out for sex, fantasy and an easy lay. Fake Dominants may also be predators but we will get into those in later in this episode. Most of the time you will be dealing with the fakers, so that’s what this segment is all about.

We now have online and real time versions of Dominants. I’m going to blend the two, because in this day and age it is likely that you meet someone online and move to real life.

The most obvious fake Dominant will want to skip straight to the sex. They may start their conversation out sweetly enough, but it will soon become sexually oriented.

Cyber sex may be suggested or you will be pushed to play on the first date or well before you’d be ready to. They don’t get to know you for who you are first. These are the booty chasers.

Fake “doms” will also exaggerate their experience level. It does NOT matter what someone says…unless they can prove it. Chances are a 25 year old does not have 10 years of experience unless they are counting fantasies. However, you can’t judge experience by a number. Someone can say they have 10 years of experience, but if 6 years of that they were ‘on a break’ or not in a relationship…then that’s not experience.

Fake Dominants will also try to Dom you without a relationship being present. This could be dictating what you are to wear for first meetings, when you are to be available online to chat, etc. Setting up rules and trying to make you do them before it is agreed upon is a HUGE red flag. If you haven’t negotiated these things then it isn’t informed consent.

Some “doms” say they have a lot of references and can list names, but when I asked for phone numbers, email addresses, or Fetlife info they always come up with a reason to not have the requested info. References are meant to be useful. If they can’t give you contact information so that you can check them out, that’s a huge red flag. Honest Dominants will not only give them to you, but be happy that you check them out. Remember, those that have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

Fake Dominants may also try to get you to not meet them in public…and they can be pretty persuasive…”oh, just come to the house so we can get to know each other in private.” Yeah, right. DO NOT…and I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH…DO NOT meet anyone you don’t know in a private location! Set up your safe call, and if the “dom” refuses to let you check in, and sometimes they are just really good at distracting you so you forget or don’t think about it, but if this is taking place leave immediately!

Another red flag to be cautious of is if they want to get to know you, you are on good terms and they won’t share their phone number, where they live, etc but they expect you to. Also, if you are only able to call between narrow time frames. This is a red flag of not only fake Dominants but also cheaters! Another clue of cheaters is disappearing online without warning and doing it frequently. They bail so that their partner doesn’t see what they are doing.

And finally is a Dominant requesting or forcing you to change something before you’ve agreed to a relationship. This could be along the lines of changing your hair because they don’t like it, losing weight, or breaking up with friends because they are ‘bad influences’. No one should make you change. A good Dominant will like you for who you are when getting to know you. There is no reason you should try to fit someone’s mold.

Fake Dominants are everywhere and have many tricks up their sleeve. Use this a starting point because the list of things they can do to try to get you to believe in them and open up is almost endless. Stay safe, use your common sense and if it feels wrong it probably is.

NEXT WEEK’S AGENDA

  1. We will continue the conversation with part two of red flags, fake doms, and predators.
  2. In the meantime be sure to checkout our site kuldrinskrypt.com and while you’re there click on the support us to find out how to receive a Kuldrin’s Krypt t-shirt or hoodie. Also, don’t forget about kuldrinskrypt.com/shop It’s our amazon affiliate store where we tryout fun toys, books and other things…if we like it we add it there.
Contact info:

Outro: This has been Master Kuldrin for kuldrinskrypt.com: Unearth the Truth

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