BDSM Dungeon Etiquette and Your First Play Party-S03E52

Recorded: 7/11/2021 / Published: 2/24/2022
  • Welcome to Kuldrin’s Krypt. I’m your host Master Kuldrin. If you are new to the show we use our combined 30 years of BDSM experience and my 20 years working in the psychology field to dispel myths, get rid of stereotypes, and answer your questions about BDSM. You can call in at 865-268-4005 to leave your question or visit the Krypt at https://kuldrinskrypt.com
  • In this week’s episode of The Krypt we are talking about BDSM dungeon etiquette and your first play party.  
  1. Safe, sane, consensual, and informed
  2. KNKI: Knowledge, No Intolerance, Kindness, Integrity
  3. “Submission is not about authority and it’s not about obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect.” -Wm. Paul Young
  • “BDSM Dungeon Etiquette and Your First Play Party-S03E52” 
    1. What is a play party?: 
      1. A play party is a gathering for those in the lifestyle, getting together for various methods of play, be they demonstrations, performances, or just scenes in general.
    2. Types of play parties:
      1. General play parties are usually listed on Fetlife and openly known about within community munch circles and groups.
      2. Dark parties are by invitation only and are only known about by those who have been invited. These are not to be talked about to anyone before or after the event. These most often take place in a private residence.
    3. How to get invited to events?
      1. Dark parties: it comes down to who you know. 
      2. Community play parties: You can check the events page on Fetlife to see if anything is listed for your local community.  
    4. Vetting is vital to these types of events.  It’s an important practice on both sides, as the host and as those attending.  Most if not all local communities vet via munches. If you have not attended a munch and want to attend, a one-on-one sit-down meeting for MAY take place with group leaders or the event host. However, this ONLY happens at the convenience of the leaders or event host and should NOT be expected. It is our responsibility to do things necessary to be invited. Also, it is often considered rude and poor etiquette to ask for this to happen. 
    5. It’s important to be patient and openly communicative if you are not being invited to these events as quickly as you had hoped.  Some groups simply have extensive vetting practices, especially for dark parties.  
    6. It is also important that you vet those you know are attending and your hosts.  You can check who is going to most community parties and vet them on Fetlife, for dark parties, you will more likely know people on a more personal level before you are invited.   
    7. What to bring?  (In no particular order)
      1. Fetish-wear or other appropriate clothing to change into or out of for the event.  Some events have strict dress codes to adhere to. The most common is vanilla to the door. After you get inside, nudity is allowed.
      2. Towels and washcloths.  While some hosts will provide towels and washcloths to sit on and for clean up, it’s often more considerate to simply pack your own. No host likes to do that much laundry after a party!
      3. Bottled water. Many will offer refreshments but again to be considerate and mindful of others it’s often better just to already have it on hand.  
      4. Wipes/moist towelettes.  Even if you’re not participating in a scene you may find yourself sweaty or arouse, and these make life so much easier.  
      5. Your own toys/toy box in a discreet container!
      6. Aspirin/Tylenol. One word: headaches.  NO one wants a headache to ruin this kind of experience, and getting into the practice of having these on hand will make for better experiences down the road as well.  
    8. What to expect?
      1. Do not expect to participate in a scene unless previously negotiated to do so; you can learn a lot from just watching
      2. Ask yourself what are your personal expectations for this experience? 
      3. Regular people, doing ordinary things, and having ordinary conversations, during this event.  
      4. Acts that bring out things from your wildest fantasies; often for the firsts time ever in real life; or make you uncomfortable due to your own limits/ interests.
      5. Casual nudity and/or fetish wear that may make you aroused or uncomfortable
      6. Sex or sexual acts being carried out.
    9. House Rules
      1. Different hosts/houses have different sets of rules, it’s important to learn these beforehand and/or go over them upon arrival. Usually, they will be posted and you can ask your hosts to view them.  
      2. Is there an entry fee or a potluck contribution expected? This is good to know before you arrive.  
      3. Where you can go, and where you cannot. You are usually entering a host’s private home for these parties. Some rooms like living spaces will usually be allowed while bedrooms and often outdoor spaces will be set as off-limits. 
      4. What kind of scenes are appropriate/against the rules. While this isn’t a big deal the first time you attend as you most likely will not be participating, it’s still good to pick up on for future events.  
      5. Protocol rules for the household. Is this event high protocol friendly?  
      6. What is the dress code both in the house and for your arrival and departure? Make sure you’ve dressed appropriately.  
      7. Where to sit while viewing a scene and if a towel is needed/preferred? 
      8. Do not interrupt a scene or interject yourself as there are risks involved for the participants and distractions increase those risks.  
      9. Bring any safety concerns you have for a scene being performed to your hosts discreetly, they have often gone over what will occur with those performing beforehand to address many of these concerns or will stop a scene if you have a valid safety issue to be addressed.  
      10. The general no touching rule, applies to both persons and toys/implements. The rule:  If it’s not yours, don’t touch it.  
      11. Know what to do in case of an emergency.  Many hosts will have specific protocols in place and first aid kits on hand on the off chance that something may go wrong.  
    10. Play party scenes, demos, and performances explained.
      1. In a scene of this nature, some people such as exhibitionists enjoy being watched. Others become humiliated and enjoy it on another level.  
      2. For those participating in the scene, the world falls away allowing them to focus on what they are doing unless distractions occur.
      3. Save any questions you have for after the scene, including aftercare completion. Do NOT run up to someone right after the scene ends and they are in aftercare to tell them how beautiful it was or ask questions!
      4. Be prepared for more than one scene to be taking place at the party at one time and don’t become too anxious with feeling as though you’re missing something.  It’s important to simply enjoy the experience as a whole.  
    11. Our own stories and experiences
Important Links:
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