My Partner Has a Fetish that’s not for Me-S03E29

Recorded: 1/24/2021 / Published: 9/10/2021
  • – In this episode of The Krypt Mayfair, the chatroom, and I, are going to figure out what we should do if our partner is into kinks and fetishes we are not into.
  • – Call in at 865-268-4005 to leave your question or visit the Krypt at https://kuldrinskrypt.com.
  1. 1: Safe, sane, consensual, and informed
  2. 2: KNKI: Knowledge, No Intolerance, Kindness, Integrity
  3. 3: “Submission is not about authority and it’s not about obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect.” -Wm. Paul Young
  • –  “My Partner Has a Fetish that’s not for Me-S03E29”
    1. – Power dynamics come into play in ALL relationships to a degree.
      1. – Just because someone is dominant or submissive in the bedroom does not mean they are the same or opposite their day-to-day life. What happens in the bedroom doesn’t always reveal much about a person’s personality.
      2. – Many studies have shown that 80% of the population are switches. It is typically the situation or the other personalities around you that determine which side of the slash you take at the moment. 
      1. – Before getting into the fun stuff, like communication and consent, let’s go ahead and knock out some red flags that need to be remembered. Red Flags for which to look:
        1. – In all circumstances, if you feel uneasy or scared, that is a sign you should either discuss some boundaries with your partner or reconsider your participation. While practices of rough sex and BDSM can be considered on the verge of violent play if at any moment you feel threatened or as though things have gone too far, it is important to stop.
        2. – If your instincts are making you feel uneasy.
        3. – If your partner threatens violence if you do not submit.
        4. – If you have ever felt as though the experience was more like rape or sexual assault.
        5. – If your partner makes you feel ugly or unwanted or treats you with disrespect.
        6. – If your basic needs are not being met, e.g., if they withhold things like medical treatment, water, food or clothing.
      2. – Communication: If you’re curious about BDSM, rough sex, or any other fetish that incorporates power play, communication is absolutely crucial, whether it’s with your partner in a committed relationship or something more casual. It also needs to be done preemptively, not in reaction to something.
        1. – Don’t wait until things feel uncomfortable.
        2. – Layout boundaries prior to engaging. Then once you get into playing, if you feel as though you may have misjudged things, it will be mentally easier for you to communicate that you have changed your mind about participating. 
          1. It’s still a success if there is no harm done and everyone communicates openly and honestly.
        3. – Talking about boundaries with your partner doesn’t have to be awkward or uncomfortable, in fact, it can be sexy. You can go into explicit details around what you like and consider using the exercise as a way of foreplay.
      3. – Consent IS non-negotiable!
      4. – What if they’re into it and I’m not?
        1. It is normal for couples’ interests to not completely match up. However, it can get complicated when the different interests are in the bedroom or day-to-day dynamic.
        2. The best thing people can do is focus on the communication side of things. By being open and having a willingness to explore and communicate, you can both figure out a way to satisfy desires.
      5. – BUT, no, seriously, what if we just can’t make it work?
        1. In this case, if this is a long-term relationship, I strongly suggest finding a kink-friendly relationship counselor to help navigate the following options. If it’s a brand new relationship, you might want to consider just being friends before more feelings start to erupt. 
        2. Open relationship?
        3. Polyamoury?
        4. Dedicated play partners? 
        5. Then maybe that relationship isn’t the right one for you. 
Important Links:
  1. Full show notes: https://kuldrinskrypt.com/329
  2. National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
  3. https://KuldrinsKrypt.com/Patreon 
  4. https://kuldrinskrypt.com/silentcommunication 
  5. https://KuldrinsKrypt.com/survey 
  6. https://kuldrinskrypt.com/TeePublic 
Show Producers:
  1. – Benefactor ($2,000/month): 
  2. – Pro Producer ($100/month): Buffalo_Max92
  3. – Master Producer ($50/month): 
  4. – Executive Producer ($25/month) ShadowyFox, JunicornsAngel, Johnny Ferrell, Haru Webb, Rei Webb, slave Brendan, and Just_Call_Me_Ash
  5. – Sr. Producers ($10/month): xEmeraldxWolfx, Roxiebear, Trouble113, Alexandria, ThatPlace: Oklahoma City, babylove&Sir, SortOutTheKinks, Master Gabriel, Daddy Steve, Sir Pent, TwistedTink&JustTommy, ArtKitten, AuthorMistressBlackrose, UpstateScCouple, Crystal Force, xxxLilyChaosxxx, CJ, Cali, PerfectlyThick, Thorn, Toredon, and Cap’n J
  6. – Producers ($5/month): Kainsin, KJ, CIVLdisobedience, Hadea, Sir&Kitten, Raven, Raider69time, Atsila, PWB, MBRpoodle, LylacWine, Baddogbad, CozyCow, Arctic Foxglove, LilRedRose, Anomalous Mats, MsRedSin & AJRJ, Katnipmeow, WyldThyme&Deacon Sean, CheeryQuery, Ropestuff2, Rabbit, BurningRedHot, Sir Wolf ArchAngel, Subx13, CourtsDom, Anthony, BoundHydrangea, Gator, and Gizmo
  7. – Jr. Producers ($1/month): K-2SO, Jeremiah, Morgana13, Brodie, The Gabbing Girl Time Podcast, and MilkyMilf
  8. Become a show producer: https://KuldrinsKrypt.com/Patreon
Vendors I know, like, trust, and use: (None of these are paid sponsors of the podcast.)
  1. http://bdsmcontracts.org Coupon code: kuldrin20 for a 20% discount on all purchases.
  2. – http://whippingstripes.com – My personal maker of most things leather and paracord impact toys.
  3. https://www.etsy.com/shop/TorridTimber – Fine fetish furniture and accessories
  4. https://www.etsy.com/shop/TheCraftyHedonist 
  5. – Tink’s Toys Fb Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2350280868612699 Fetlife Profile: https://fetlife.com/users/9885653?sp=3 *coupon for listeners (first purchase only) TinksToys13
  6. – Dark Delights Shops: https://darkdelightsshop.com/ (Watch my product review of them: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbTsAuBKTy4 )
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