Show Notes

S01E10-Red Flags, Fake Doms, & Predators Part 2

Kuldrin’s Krypt: A BDSM 101 Podcast

January 31, 2017
Intro
  1. This is Kuldrin’s Krypt season 1 episode 10 for January 31th, 2017.
  2. (start theme pre-roll) Welcome to Kuldrin’s Krypt I’m your host Master Kuldrin. If you are new to the show this is a place to dispel myths, get rid of stereotypes, and answer your questions about BDSM. You can call in at 865-268-4005 to leave your question or visit the Krypt at kudrinskrypt.com. On this episode of Kuldrin’s Krypt we are going to continue unearthing the truth in part 2 of the 3 part series on red flags, fake doms & predators.
  3. Rules to Love by:
      1. Safe, sane, consensual, informed
      2. KNKI: Knowledge, No Intolerence, Kindness, Integrity
      3. “Submission is not about authority and it’s not about obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect.” -Wm. Paul Young
  4. Last week we discussed Red Flags and Fake Doms so if you missed that you will need to go back and listen to Part one and come back to this episode. As usual, this is partly taken from an article and partly my own experience. You can find the link to the submissiveguide.com article in the show notes at https://kuldrinskrypt.com/110 So without further adue on to the main topic.

Information Please!

If you’re a new submissive this lifestyle may seem overwhelming at first. A submissive I know terms it ‘the new submissive smell’. Dom/mes cense ‘new blood’, and swarm like piranhas to interact with, play with or train the new submissive in the group. Dom/mes may contact you online or meet you at a munch. They are covered with impressive or threatening names: Sir Snod of Grass or Master Whackyourass. With no experience, how can you tell if they are someone you can trust? The answer is information!

Questions and Answers

First of all, ask lots and lots of questions. A Dom/me should not feel threatened by a sub’s questions, especially when establishing a new relationship. This is his or her chance to encourage open communication and feedback. Being told that questions aren’t welcome, or having your questions ignored or avoided should make you think twice about continue to chat with or meet this Dom/me. A good Dom/me will encourage learning, and the first and most important thing you need to learn about is your Dom/me! S/he is going to teach you, guide you, and maybe torture you. Would you allow a stranger to do that?

What are questions that you can ask the Dom/me? The following questions were provided by the author’s Master as ones He would like a sub to ask Him.

What does SSC stand for? This is the cornerstone of BDSM, and S/he should be able to answer this (even if S/he professes to follow RACK (Risk-aware consensual kink) instead, he should still be able to answer this, and give you a discussion of the differences in theories).

What is their training style? How do they intend to adjust it to your personality?

What is the job/purpose of the sub?

What is the job/purpose of the Dom?

If they were to use an implement on you, how would they gauge how hard they are hitting you?

How do they tell if you’ve had enough or reached your limit (physically or mentally)?

Do they use safe words?

If you are going to be intimate, would they be willing to be tested for STD’s and STI’s and provide you with the paperwork?

What is aftercare?

How do they intend to handle sub drop if it happens several days later?

What are some munches and parties they have attended? Are they willing to give you the names and contact information of the organizers?

Now, as a newbie, you may not be able to evaluate these answers fully. However, you can judge whether your Dom/me is willing to answer the questions, and even better – if they enthusiastically discuss the questions and answers with you! Some of these questions can lead to long wonderful discussion which can greatly influence your path.

Naming Names

Unless they are new a Dom/me should be willing and able to give references. Are there subs they have had in the past, either under contract or just in play? What happened with the previous subs? Can they give you their email addresses or introduce you to them? Write or talk to a couple of these subs and listen closely to what they say. It is always important to me to tell any potential subs my history with other subs, both the good and the bad. Maybe your new Dom/me has only had wonderful experiences, but for those who make this lifestyle part of their everyday lives, it is just as likely that there has been the occasional personality conflict. In the end the bad reports might tell you more about his/her strengths and weaknesses than the glowing reports from friends.

And speaking of friends, will the Dom/me introduce you to friends in the lifestyle? Are there any? I’m not talking about the ‘friends’ on FetLife. That might be just a collection of names that seems to establish credibility, but has no basis in reality. I’m talking about people that they have interacted with. How they treat other Dom/mes and subs on a casual basis will reflect on how they will treat you once that “new sub smell” wears off.

Aside from his/her own friends, is the Dom/me willing to let you go to munches to form relationships in the community? Will they only let you go with him or her, or do they tell you can only go when they feels you are ready? Munches are an important part of the community. They are a safe place where you can ask questions, receive various (and sometimes conflicting) opinions, and meet people with whom you may interact for the rest of your time in the lifestyle. They may legitimately want to be present with you in order to teach you protocol and ease your way into the lifestyle. After all, most Dom/mes care deeply about teaching their subs but if they continually tells you are not ready, and doesn’t do any training to get you there, consider this a bright red flag!

Isolation from the community can occur as with munches, with forbidding you to join lists, or forbidding you to talk to other subs. Many Dom/mes will deny permission to talk to other Dom/mes due to protocol issues, but most have no problems encouraging communication with subs. Many experienced subs love to mentor new subs, and love to be asked questions and talk about their experiences. That should be a relationship that the Dom/me encourages, although they may want to be copied on the emails. A caring Dom/me will not limit your questions, but just monitor them so any concerns that may arise can be addressed.

As a new sub, you should gather as much information as you can to make an informed decision as to whether or not you want to form a relationship with this Dom/me. Most Dom’s rule is “Protect the toy” not “Isolate the toy”. As far as I am concerned you are performing your duty as a submissive by developing relationships within the kink community, asking questions, and making sure you are entering a safe and healthy relationship.

NEXT WEEK’S AGENDA

  1. We will wrap up the three part series. In Part 3, we will examine warning signs in training, and abuse vs BDSM.
  2. In the meantime be sure to checkout our site kuldrinskrypt.com and while you’re there click on the support us to find out how to receive a Kuldrin’s Krypt t-shirt or hoodie. Also, don’t forget about kuldrinskrypt.com/shop It’s our amazon affiliate store where we tryout fun toys, books and other things…if we like it we add it there.
Contact info:

Outro: This has been Master Kuldrin for kuldrinskrypt.com: Unearth the Truth

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *